This new interface for Blogger somehow makes me feel old. New technology tends to scare old people the most so I use this as a test for aging. The new interfaces by Google had in-fact ruffled the feathers of many of its young-nerdy-loyal fans but that's a whole another subject to be blogged about.
Blogging or just plain writing about anything helps my creative juices to be in a state of motion. They tend to freeze otherwise. I also find the blogging (or any form of writing) as both mentally tiring and liberating. A perfect analogy for me would be long distance running. I love to do both these activities extensively in my life but the tiredness, mental and physical, as a causal effect puts me off. Actually it's mental sluggishness to not overcome the feelings that are as elementary as prospective-tiredness. I still pull myself into these activities for the love of their aftereffects.
During my recent conversations with my family I had been asked about things I do in my daily life. Now that I have some job to look forward to I tend to do nothing. I can't tell my parents that I do nothing. I feel ashamed by myself even when I consciously realize that I do nothing in life. It's not like I had achieved the utmost success that relieved me of any further labor in my life but it's plain sluggishness in my mind.
Again all this isn't easy. Doing nothing is supremely difficult. Your mind tends to wander. I tried time and again to do nothing but failed big time. I end up watching mediocre movies, crappy videos on YouTube, stupid shit-loads of porn, read mindless gossip and other things that make me fluctuate through highness and frustration, mostly frustration though. Not having a Facebook saves me from one more painful activity but it is not helpful considering the complete picture. All these intellectually impeding actions make your mind go bonkers.
Your intellect brings up all the abstract thoughts that end up questioning your current state of inertia and existentialism. Essentially you tend to think up shit which further causes you to do something thus taking you away from doing nothing. I had initially planned to take on a life of nothingness for about six months but fortunately my fate had other better plans. Now that I had been convinced about the difficulty of leading a life of nothingness I plan to reclaim a few things in life.
One of my friends planted in me a thought about blogging again. It's only then I'd realized that I had essentially lost my voice. All the thinking about my life, my career, my family, my future and my other-fucking-boring-stuff had buried my voice under meaningless fears. Also all this talking with myself had been very depressing. The only times I don't talk to myself is when I talk to my buddies and sometimes to my family members. Buddies are hard to find and I realized it after my undergrad. Well I will have all new post about why people are fucking boring, frustrating and irritating. It is liberating when you don't have expectations from people. Have fun and get out.
Though I write for myself I need to lesser clutter and firmer inner voice. I will claim my fucking voice back and blow the people's minds.
